I spent years comparing myself to others. It started in grade school, when I envied girls with pretty black patent leather shoes and big bows. I thought my life would change if I had them. I’m not sure how, but it would have been magical. In my twenties, I envied friends moving up in title and salary while I worked for a bus company, earning an embarrassingly small salary. I justified it by thinking I was doing something good for the environment, but secretly I wanted the new computers

My friends were getting married while I was online dating. I visited their houses, drank from real wine glasses, and ate from real, matching plates. This wasn’t my life in my little studio apartment. I felt like a college student while my friends seemed to be growing up. Ten years later, I had about twelve jobs, was still trying to break into entertainment, and was still dating while most friends were married and having kids. I wondered where I had made a wrong turn.

Comparing myself to others only made me feel sad and insecure. I spent years wishing for a relationship, a secure job, and a real, grown-up life. I wished for an intervention of sorts, something that would make my life move along like everyone else’s. Then, in my thirties, I decided to stop. It seemed to happen overnight, though maybe that’s only how I choose to remember it. I realized my life would never be like theirs, nor did I want it to be.

Now that I am married and living a more settled life, I will never be a person on everyone else’s path. I’m proud of that. Having my own path actually turned out to be the most important thing I do with my life. Individual paths make us who we are, and our decisions lead us toward unique places and opportunities. They are outside of judgment, yours or anyone else’s. When I compare my career or anything else to someone’s, I realize it’s an illusion.